Parenting for character: Value: Love
“Parenthood requires LOVE not DNA”
You must have experienced; if child is crying then to distract his attention you show them some new tempting attractions- a new toy, a new mobile phone, new games- something or the other. The baby stops crying for a while, as long as the attraction is with them. The moment you take it away from them, they start crying again. But you know that as the child is going to grow by age, problems will still remain. In fact, their overall structure and appearance only becomes bigger. Similarly, core issue of any one’s life can’t be addressed with these different toys. We want to straight focus on the core issue, the cause of everything and that’s LOVE. We are not born with values at birth. We are given them by our parents and same we have to pass to our next generation as family is place where life begins and love never ends.
Love is a universal and greatest feeling in the world. It would be safe to say that all living organisms on this planet, even plants and animals, feel love. Even though there is no exact way to describe the feeling of love it can be characterized by a sense of attachment and affection towards someone or something. Love is an important aspect in our lives as it satisfies one’s emotional needs.
Growing your child in a loving and affectionate household teaches them the importance of giving and receiving genuine love. Many parents think that their child knew about their love towards them and thus, there is no need to say, "I love you" or show emotional affection. Children are naturally loving and generous, but if you want those sentiments to last, they need to be loved and shown that they are. It is surprising that parents love their children but fail to say the phrase "I love you". One of the easiest way in which you inculcate the value of love is by teaching your children how to smile and how to have positive self-talk. It is the first gesture that one can give to express admiration and happiness.
“Love to live and live to Love”
To understand any person, we need to understand the Love language of that person. Here is The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary chapman to make Parent-Child relationship more Loveable:
Word of Affirmation:
This love language expresses love with words. Verbal compliments don’t have to be complicated just use encouraging words very often to nurture your child positively. e.g. “You are a very good boy”
“Well-done on finishing your work timely.”
“I appreciate your efforts to clean your room neatly”.
“The way we talk to our children become their inner voice”Act of Service:
This love language expresses itself by doing things that you know your child would like. Playing in a garden together, eating ice-cream, reading and gaining knowledge are all acts of service. “Action speak louder than words.” All of these things must be done with pure heart, action out of obligation with a negative tone will not work out. A person with good heart will always carry good and pure intentions for everyone. Before performing any action, check how honest and innocent the intentions are to serve.Receiving Gifts:
If your child’s top language is receiving gifts that means your child feel love from all of those small presents given by you timely. It’s not about giving materialistic gifts, it’s about acknowledging and validating the feeling as a token of love.Quality time:
This love language is all about giving undivided attention to your child. Especially from fathers! No televisions news, no smartphones, or any other distraction. Children always need centre of attraction. It’s not about giving attention 24*7 but to give dedicated time for some hours without any distraction. If every time you can make false promise, postpone it or isn’t present during your time-together then it can hurt your child’s emotional development deeply.Physical touch: (pat or hug)
To people with this love language, nothing is more impactful than the physical touch and most importantly they do feel more connected and safe in a relationship by holding hands, kissing, hugging or just a pat on back sometime. In short, they are the touch seekers.
Love for Family:
Demonstrate your love and affection for your family. Kiss and hug your spouse in front of
children. Let the children know about how much you love and appreciate the other family
members like their grandparents, uncles and aunts. Create a photo album with picture of
family members and friends. Make it a point to sit with your children and watch the album
in laptop or other device and remind them that there are lots of people who care for them.
Further, do not let a day pass without expressing your love for your child. The more you
express your love and affection towards the child, the more your child will love you back
and the more your home will be filled with love and affection.
Love for Siblings:
Children born in same family, have similar environment, same parents, but both are carrying
a bundle of “sanskars” of many past births and their own “karmic” accounts.one could be
introvert, the other extrovert; one could be sincere, the other lazy… because of the past
sanskars which the two of souls are carrying before they came into the same family.
Comparisons between them will create inferiority complex and lowers self-esteem and child
grows up with feeling that parents love the other child more. This comparison, over
expectation and criticism is the cause of sibling rivalry. Always love your children the way
they are, teach and preach the same to your children. Respecting originality, authenticity
and acceptance of the soul is the sign of great Parenting.
Love for Humanity:
A very important part of our lives is touching each one we meet with our love and good
wishes at every step. We all know what good natured person is and that we should be one
and give happiness to everyone.
It is imperative that you teach your children to think of others. For example, if you see a homeless man on the roadside, buy them some good food and ask your child to give the food to him. Children generally do not care for the feelings or desires of others. They might not even realize that they could help, empathize, and sympathize a homeless man. To best teach them, it would be an ideal that we point out ways in which they can help others, make and mark a difference.
Expose your children to appropriate social behaviours. To achieve this, you may take them to Parks to play, to your friends home, marketplaces, or shopping groceries. Greet everyone you meet and talk nicely to them, irrespective of who they are, be it a Gardner, Park caretaker, Grocery vendor or a Security guard, and teach your child to greet them too. Teach your child to be kind, give compliments, and be empathetic and as well as non- judgmental. Through your behaviour, it is essential that it is amply clear to your child that everyone must be treated equally.
“The one who wins the heart is the blessed one”
Love for Nature:
It is essential that children are made to love and respect nature from a young age. They
must be encouraged to play outdoors and observe everything. They may learn even better if
you point out the names of trees, insects, birds, and animals to them. Involve children in
activities like gardening, visiting wildlife sanctuaries and national parks that will lead them to
value nature even more. Getting your children to love nature will help them become
responsible and conscious citizens.
Secret of happy Parent-child relationship is;
“Respond to your children with love in their worst moments, their broken moments, their angry moments, their selfish moments, their frustrated moments, their inconvenient moments because it is in their most unlovable human moments that they most need to feel loved.”
We agree,
No child, as far as we know, is not touched by LOVE.
LOVE is powerful.
If you love your family, you will likely have a happy family.
If you love your work, you will do things with a heart, producing great work.
If you teach with love, your student will love you.
If you love what you have, you will likely have more of what you want in future.
If you love yourself, you will have high self-esteem, treat people well and most people will
return in kindness.
If you love your life, you will be happy and live a fulfilling life.
